Should I just let go of any expectations?

Published February 7, 2015 by recover3

I had to meet with a high risk consultant earlier this week. Although it sounds scary it was great for me. I got many questions answered and things like that. It also means I’m being taken care of, and more importantly, my baby boy is being taken care. He’s due in two short months and I’ve been trying to do all that I can to prepare for any eventuality. I don’t want to be blind sided like I was when my daughter was born.
Aside from a couple of early appointments, I’ve been going to all my doctors visits on my own. Yes, deep down I would like to share the experience but it honestly didn’t bother me that I was alone. My husband is never going to embrace the scans and all that in the way I would want him to so its no loss me being on my own.
But the visit to the high risk consultant was different. I desperately wanted him to be there. The appointment was a big deal, it was filled with important information. Of course I could easily share the information but it would’ve been nice to get the information together. When I told him I had this appointment he said he’d let me know in the morning but he’d probably be there. I didn’t want to tell him outright that I wanted him to be there – I just asked him if he wanted to be there. Yes, maybe it is my fault for not telling I wanted him there. But if I had done that, my disappointment would have been even greater. He went out drinking the night before and got really drunk. This from the guy who had just told me a few days before that he doesn’t drink anymore….
He let me down and it made me really sad. I couldn’t seem to just let it go and brush it off. I thought if I didn’t admit out loud how much I wanted him to be there meant I didn’t have any expectations. But obviously I am always going to have some.

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