Switching my brain off

Published January 9, 2013 by recover3

I was in a really good place. I hardly ever thought about her or the affair. I made it through a lot of days without thinking about it. Also, it didn’t hurt quite as much.

But now…. its every day. I think about it every day. And it hurts, it hurts just about as much as it did in the beginning. Its awful. I feel like all the progress I made, all the ‘fixing’ I did was for nothing. Like I’m right back where I started. It sucks so much.

My husband is trying so hard. He is being an incredible, hands-on, helpful father and husband. I couldn’t ask for more. He is supportive and understanding. He makes an effort to talk to me and to listen to me. He wants to know whats going on. But I can’t talk to him about this. I can’t tell him just how much its getting to me. I can’t tell anyone just how much its getting me down.

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3 comments on “Switching my brain off

  • I am sorry to hear… Days like this can be hard and you feel like you’ll never recover. I hate when I know I should focus on other things but then there I am… stuck…. googling… hating her. I told my husband the other night I am like an addict sometimes–I cannot stop. So I told him I am announcing I am 5 days sober from googling, spying and focusing on if she is stalking me or my husband on social media.
    Another blogger wrote about how being a betrayed spouse can leave you with symptoms of PTSD. Here is a link to her post:
    http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2013/01/06/ptsd-after-divorce/
    A Betrayed Spouse commented at the end of that post about an eye therapy that helps you feel better once you learn it.
    I do think you should find a time when you can talk to your husband…. this is not just your burden and if he is putting all this effort in he will want to know when you are struggling. It’s hard for the betrayed spouse because when we want to talk about it and try to help ourselves feel better the wayward spouse tends to sink into that feeling of failure.
    You have your friends here!

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