Two such simple words. Yet they are so hard to say. So hard to mean.
I have a problem saying sorry. I don’t know why or where it comes from. But I really struggle with it – even when my heart wants to say sorry. My husband doesn’t struggle to say sorry. He says it like most people say hi. But the thing is, how much does he actually mean it? One of my English teachers once told us that you shouldn’t say sorry unless its something you’re never going to do again. Because if you’re going to do it again, then how can you really be sorry? This was 14 years ago and it has always stayed with me. I can’t help but agree with this. It fits with ‘the first time you do something its a mistake, the second time its a choice.’
I like to hear I’m sorry. Hate saying it, like hearing it…. How ironic. I think it comes from my controlling nature. I don’t just want to hear ‘sorry’. I want the other person to acknowledge what they’re sorry for, what they did wrong. But at the same time how often should I accept sorry for the same thing? When does it lose its meaning?
I want someone who will do this for me. Someone who is willing to go to the ends of the earth for me because they think I’m worth it.
This happens far too frequently. Some people have no intention of being sorry for their actions – regardless of whether they know its wrong. The more violently they react at the time, the less sorry they are.
Words I’d like here….