I have never been seduced before. I was saddened when this realisation hit me. Now I’m pondering, what kind of a person does this make me? Do I give it up too easily? Am I am not worth the effort of seduction? Am I just not the kind of woman people seduce?
Looking back on my sexual past makes me cringe now. In my early twenties I had definitely lost my way from God. I lost my virginity at 19, on the bathroom floor of a holiday apartment, to a guy who was cheating on his girlfriend. And who went and kissed my best friend straight afterward. Not exactly a great start was it? I think its safe to say that my best friend and I were a little slutty during our university years. We knew of girls much worse than us but there were also girls on a much better path than us. Its a wonder neither of us ended up pregnant by 21. We drank a lot, partied hard and there were a string of guys. Some got luckier than others. Most didn’t last longer than a night or two. From time to time someone stuck around long enough to become a boyfriend but they basically just fitted into the whole ‘drinking and partying’ scene. No time for seduction. No room for it.
I met my husband when I was 23 and we started dating a few months later, on my 24th birthday. There was no real seduction there. I made him wait a week (wow, a whole week!). We had a some good times but I don’t know that I’d say there was any romantic seduction that ever took place.
I want flowers and candles. Wine and massage. Music, touching, expressing. I want to feel feminine and loved. Special and wanted. I don’t want it every time but occasionally (or even just once !) it would be nice.
I think I’m focused on this now because, despite our relationship being in an improved state, there is a huge lack of intimacy. After the one time last month its just been a dry spell again. And I don’t even know why. Its not even the sex I miss, its the closeness. The togetherness. Knowing that I’m wanted. That I’m not repulsive.