I am depressed today. I woke up this morning and it hit me – my life sucks. And then I focused on it. I decided I had nothing worth getting up for so I didn’t bother getting up. How sad is that?
I am grieving for the things I’ve lost and the things I”ll never have. For the dreams and plans that have been shattered and the memories that have been ruined. For a past that isn’t real anymore. I have spent so much time avoiding, pretending, ignoring and ‘playing happy’ that I haven’t truly grieved these things. I haven’t let go and until I let go, I won’t move on. I’m just going to keep hitting my head on a brick wall. My head hurts now so today I allowed myself the chance to fall apart. Its not pretty. I’m in a hole and I’m really not sure how to get out of it.
So many people keep telling me how strong I am. Today I just let go of it. I needed a break from being strong. I don’t think that makes me weak, it just makes me human.