Grieving, again

Published September 22, 2012 by recover3

I am depressed today. I woke up this morning and it hit me – my life sucks. And then I focused on it. I decided I had nothing worth getting up for so I didn’t bother getting up. How sad is that?

I am grieving for the things I’ve lost and the things I”ll never have. For the dreams and plans that have been shattered and the memories that have been ruined. For a past that isn’t real anymore. I have spent so much time avoiding, pretending, ignoring and ‘playing happy’ that I haven’t truly grieved these things. I haven’t let go and until I let go, I won’t move on. I’m just going to keep hitting my head on a brick wall. My head hurts now so today I allowed myself the chance to fall apart. Its not pretty. I’m in a hole and I’m really not sure how to get out of it.

So many people keep telling me how strong I am. Today I just let go of it. I needed a break from being strong. I don’t think that makes me weak, it just makes me human.

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3 comments on “Grieving, again

  • It’s human, you’re right. I get told that I’m strong, though I don’t feel it. It’s more like pretending for me also. I had a good cry this morning. Sad memories, ruined memories, painful thoughts, overwhelming loneliness. I had to cry for a while. It doesn’t feel better either, just a break from the pretending. It seems like we woke up feeling the same way today. I’m so worried that this sadness and loneliness will never go away.

    I do have to get up and function today. My kids need me, and I need them. There smiles and hugs get me through days like this. I’m so thankful for them.

    I hope your day gets better
    hugs

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