I’m actually missing my husband at the moment. I have an intense longing for him and it makes me really sad to know I still have to sleep alone for two more nights before he’ll be back. I won’t tell him any of this. My pride stops me. Not because I’m embarrassed to say I miss him but because he won’t say the same back. He thinks time apart like this is wonderful and good for us. I want to be missed and seeing as I’m not I can’t admit that I am missing.
His phone battery has died so I can’t talk to to him or even text him. I know he’s out drinking. I can’t stop pondering what exactly he’s doing. Is he alone? Is he talking to someone? Is it a woman? Is he flirting? Or worse? How do I know when my paranoia stops and reality begins. I want to believe him when he says he’d never do it again, that he doesn’t want to hurt me again, that he doesn’t want to have to live with any more guilt. But the paranoid part of me says he’s so far away and there is no way of me finding out what happens while he’s away.
These thoughts make me sad. They bring me down and make me imagine every worst case scenario. I don’t want to feel this way.