good. But wait, its not really.
The weekend started off really well. I made the decision that if my husband wanted to drink and go out or whatever he was free to go and do it on his own. No, I don’t like it when he goes out on his own but I can’t remember the last Friday night that I didn’t go to bed angry or in tears because of something he’d said or done in his drunken state. I was determined that when I woke up on Saturday it was going to be all good between us. When I husband came home he had no alcohol with him! And he didn’t go out to buy any. While I finished up dinner he got a movie ready and we watched that together. Then she shared some music with me and I happily went to bed. Amazing! Not one mention of drinking or going out! On Saturday he went off to work to drop his suit off to be dry cleaned and while there he picked up the new phone that he had ordered for me as a surprise! I was so touched. Gifting is my love language, so of course I felt hugely loved for this wonderful act he’d done. Then later that afternoon we went to a furniture store and finally ordered a new couch (which I am happily sitting on now!!). We went for an early dinner and came home to watch another movie. Still no drinking involved.
Sunday is when we hit a snag. Initially it started out ok. Then I wanted to choose some photo’s to print to put in the new frames we’ve got. Now my husband is the artistic one. I go for photo’s because of the memories they invoke or the people I want to be reminded of. Him, on the other hand, looks at the detail and wants ‘the perfect photo’s’ to go up. I won’t go into it but lets just say this led to conflict. My choices of photo’s are so limited because of this. He doesn’t want too many photo’s of us, he vetoes most of the photo’s that he’s in because he doesn’t like the way he looks and I’m not allowed to put up wedding photo’s because its a ‘bad memory’ for him! Um, hello – I was the one betrayed, surely if its going to be a bad memory it should be for me not him. Anyway, we managed to kind of move on from there.
Today he has had to leave for another city to get a new visa. He left before I got home so I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. I was mostly miffed by this because he knew I would be home by 2:30 and yet he left at 2:15. He could have waited just to please me. And then I went on facebook. He has made the fact that he is married private so no-one can see it anymore. So basically he doesn’t want anyone on facebook to see he’s married, he refuses to wear his wedding ring and he won’t have sex with me. Um, should I just take the hint now??? He is well aware of the fact that this facebook development will upset me. And yet he does it anyway. And if I confront him he will tell me that a) its not a big deal (which if that is the case then why does he have to take it off???) and b) he didn’t think about it when he did it. Which is always his excuse: ‘I didn’t think about it, I didn’t think you’d react this way, I didn’t think….’ Hello, you’ve been with me for over five years, you’ve seen the way I’ve reacted to this kind of situation on a number of other occasions. You keep telling me that you don’t forget things so what gives?
He called me to say goodbye before his flight. The call didn’t even last a minute. He couldn’t even give me a full minute of his time to say goodbye or listen if I had anything to tell him. And yet he could sit on whatsapp talking to someone while he waited for his flight. I feel dejected. He’s gone til Thursday and I’m not even sure how to deal with it all. Does it make me weak to ignore it all and not make a big deal of it or does it show growth if I let it go?
This is rant. I’m alone and I just need to express what I’m feeling.