I enjoy music. But when it comes down to it my husband is definitely the music lover and musical talent in our house. He life is consumed by it and he hates to be without it. Me, on the other hand, am often just fine in the silence. It just doesn’t always occur to me to put something on. There are times though when music really does it for me – whether that is change my mood, fit in with my mood or whatever. Tonight is one of those times. I like a lot of music but I made a playlist of a few songs that I specifically wanted to listen to right now.
One of them is Revelry by Kings of Leon.
(courtesy of youtube.com)
What strikes me about this song is In the dark of the night I could hear you calling my name With the hardest of hearts I still feel full of pain So I drink and I smoke and I ask you if you’re ever around Even though it was me who drove us right in the ground
The other one is Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons
What sticks out in this one is: But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn’t I, my dear?
Sometimes songs just speak to me. They match my mood, they put into words what I can’t. Or sometimes they just reveal things I didn’t even realise I was feeling in the first place. These lyrics just make me think of my husband. Like he wrote them for me. Like he’s acknowledging his wrongness. He did do this in the beginning. But for me, I’m still hurting so I want him to still be acknowledging. This isn’t realistic, I know. And its not really moving forward if he has to keep doing this everyday. But the fantasy side of me wants him to grovel til I stop hurting. Til I stop being angry. Til I feel normal.