Saturday morning dawned and I was not a happy camper. I knew the conversation I had to have but I didn’t want to have it. I wanted our weekend away to be a good one, not to start on a sour note because then it may not happen at all. At 10am I eventually went into the bedroom and told my husband I wanted him to get up now. I’m pretty sure he realised I was in a mood but he let it go. I went to shower and once I was dressed I thought ‘now or never’. My husband was out on the balcony and I decided to just jump in. I started with ‘right, lets get this over with’. He was a bit puzzled at first but actually listened. I told basically told him that he was out of line defending himself the night before and he agreed. I said if he can’t see whats wrong with a 16 year old having his number, even if its a work colleague then there’s something wrong. And that the fact that I have an issue means he should do something about it because my feelings are more important. I then asked him ‘would you cheat on me now?’ and he answered no. Then I asked him ‘if I had asked you before T what would you have said?’ and again he said no. I used this as a guide to show him why it was so important that he puts boundaries in place now. That he never set out to cheat on me in the first place but it happened because he had no boundaries in place. And yes, now he knows the hurt and devastation he caused, but its not enough. I finished by telling him that if he isn’t going to put boundaries in place that our marriage isn’t going to work and that I have to stop kidding myself that it is. He got it this time. I could actually see the light switch on in his head. And the best part was – we got through the whole conversation without a fight, tension or raised voices. I had my say, he listened, he didn’t defend, he accepted.
We went on to have a truly wonderful weekend. We stayed at a beautiful hotel, we saw interesting things and had an amazing dinner together. We bought cute trinkets and laughed a lot. We didn’t have a single fight. We just took the time to enjoy each others company. I wish I could say that sex had been on the agenda but sadly its still not a feature in our lives. But I am determined not to let that one slight thing ruin what was otherwise a magical weekend away.
I must also add – I previously posted about my disappointment that my husband told me flat out not to expect the ring. Since then he has made a couple of comments about things he can’t buy or why he’s not spending money because don’t I realise ‘he has a ring to buy’. He’s going to come through for me.
There is a good man in there. One who cares for me. He did something terrible, that doesn’t make him a terrible person.