Life is filled with a series of disappointments. Disappointment at school, at university, with friends, with relationships, with work, with life. I’m having a series of disappointments right now so the topic is weighing heavily on my mind.
Are the disappointments solely due to my expectations not being met? Does this mean that my expectations are too high? Expectations are a scary thing. I think life would be really sad if we never expected anything – how do you get to appreciate things when they do come along? I need to find that line, the line between what is realistic and what is just never going to happen.
I am disappointed that I’m not getting to teach the subject I was promised. I’m disappointed that I don’t have a better grasp on my pregnancy. I’m disappointed that my husband hasn’t felt the baby move. I’m disappointed that we still haven’t had sex. I’m disappointed about the ring.
Lets take a look at the ring story. For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to be given an eternity ring when I had my first child. I’ve spoken to my husband about this on a number of occasions – while we were dating and when we were married. Soon after we found out I’m pregnant I teased him about it and asked if he remembered. He did and we briefly spoke about it. Last night I made a comment about the phone my husband is going to buy me for my 30th (also a previous conversation). My husband then turned to me and said ‘what you want a ring and a phone?’ I had a brief moment of speechlessness and then said the ring is for the baby in December and the phone is for my birthday next June. To cut a long story short he told me not to expect a ring in December because its not going to happen. I just felt crushing disappointment. Not because I’m materialistic. I can get over not getting the ring. The reason I’m disappointed is because my husband has known about it for so long and now he’s claiming no knowledge. And because just last week he was saying he wanted to buy his brother a new phone. And yesterday he was telling me he wants to get a new tattoo. He’s just bought himself a new phone. He has money for these things but not for me? I’m having his child and he can’t put some of his wants aside just for a couple of months to get me something. It just makes me so sad.
I want to talk to him about it and about the lack of sex. But I don’t know how to bring it up without causing a fight. I don’t seem to be able to communicate properly and he takes it as an attack and instead of listening to me he gets defensive and things escalate and I get emotional and say far more than I intended. It just goes downhill. On the other hand, how long can I keep these things bottled up?