So tired

Published May 4, 2012 by recover3

I’m so tired of fighting for everything. Its like everything needs to be an uphill battle. It can’t just be easy. My husband smokes. He has always smoked. I’ve never had a problem with his smoking. Back home and when we first came to China he didn’t smoke in the house. After we split up and got back together, he started smoking in the house. This didn’t really bother me too much. When we moved a third time, he said as soon as it got warm he’d smoke outside. He also tried to keep his smoking to the study. This was fine initially. The problem now is, the study is where the ironing is done – not the best place for me to be in. And, the big one, the study is going to turn into the baby’s room. So, for this reason, I’d like it to be smoke free. I’m pregnant, the least he could do is smoke outside. I spoke to him about it yesterday and the talk went fine – no argument or anything and he just agreed. Today he was still smoking in there. And then he tells me the baby is months away. I was so angry I didn’t know what to do with myself. I had good reasons for asking him to stop now but I don’t even think those matter. The fact that I asked him not to do it anymore should be reason enough. One small inconvenience in the face of everything I have to go through. 

How am I meant to stay positive when he refuses to give an inch? First I wasn’t allowed to talk about babies because we weren’t in a place for them. I wasn’t allowed to talk about them because I wasn’t pregnant yet. Now I’m not allowed to talk about them because its too early. Whats going to be the excuse when I start showing? Or when the baby is actually here?

This has been a complete rant. I’m making my husband sound like such a bad person. He isn’t and I know in some ways he is trying. I’m trying to understand that its hard for this to be a reality for him right now. I just want a little more consideration. 

Just a little. 

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