I still struggle with the fact that my husband was THAT guy. That he cheated on me with HER. With all the hormones flying around my body at the moment its like all those emotions and feelings are intensified even more. In the past few months I’ve been able to go for whole days without thinking about what happened and rather focus on the future. But since falling pregnant its like it pops into my head constantly. And it makes me sad and angry and frustrated and hurt and everything – all over again.
I should be focusing on this miracle of life that we created and that is growing inside me. Instead those feelings of ‘did I make the right decision’ seem to be coming back. I’ve prayed hard to God and asked Him to guide me. To show me the path He has planned for me. Some days I’ve asked myself whether this is really His plan for me or am I just too stupid to realise where he’s really sending me. But those are on the bad days – its human nature to focus on the bad things when we’re sad or angry. I also prayed for a baby. When we decided to start trying I prayed that God would bless us when the time is right for us and to give me the patience and acceptance to wait til the right time. And now I’m pregnant. I’ve been so greatly blessed. God heard me and is right there beside me. I can’t believe for even a second that He would have answered my prayers if the time wasn’t right or if my decision to stay wasn’t right.
Damn hormones screwing with my head.