I miss the days when life was easy. The days when my biggest problem was that my friend didn’t want to play with me or I’d forgotten to do my homework. It was so easy back then.
I had a great day at work today. I taught a new class and they were great. My old classes were fun too. I had a good session at the gym. I had some good chats with my colleagues. Then I came home. It was fine at first. But then I asked my husband how his day was. And his reaction was terrible. I walked out the kitchen, took money and left the house to buy milk, without a word. His reaction was so unfair. I was just being interested in his life. Its not my fault that his day never changes. That he does the same thing every day. Do I deserve to be punished for that?
I’m really struggling to talk to him. I hardly get a response when I try to start a conversation. He’s not interested in even trying to make the effort to talk about things I’m interested in. And apparently he can’t talk to me because I don’t give the ‘right responses’ to his conversations. I’m so tired of being compared to other people. Its like sometimes he doesn’t realise that our relationship is different. That of course I’m not going to react the way everyone else does. Because we’re more intimate – we know each other better. The other sad thing is that more often than not, he’s already decided my reaction so whatever I say, he fits it into what he’s already decided.
I know I am responsible for my happiness. I love my husband and I want him to be happy. I know part of the problem is that he is so unhappy and he lashes out at me because I’m the person closest to him.
I am missing intimacy right now. Its been a while and it always makes me feel lost. Come back to me soon, my love.