The anniversary

Published March 9, 2012 by recover3

Yesterday, exactly a year ago, was the day my husband left. I’d been dreading the day for quite a while. I kept trying to tell myself that it didn’t matter and that what was important was the fact that he’s here now. But the more I tried to tell myself this, the worse I seemed to feel about it. And then I found out that, ironically, yesterday was also international women’s day. 

I spoke to someone I’m close to, who’s been in a similar situation, about it. She told me that it was perfectly normal for me to have a reaction to this day. That I was just human for dealing with the emotions. It was a hard day. I was sad for a lot of it. I would be fine and then I’d remember and the flood of emotions from that day, and the days following it would come back. I can categorically say it was the worst day of my life. Even the day I found out about the affair wasn’t as bad. Maybe because I’d been numbed by the pain before. Maybe because for me, losing my husband is what I consider to be the worst thing that can ever happen to me. 

I want to be free from the memories. I want to forgive and not have the anger anymore. I’m a lot better now. Time has started to heal me. I don’t think about it as often anymore. And when I do, it doesn’t always send me into a spiral of emotions. Some days I can actually tell myself that yes it happened and yes it hurt but I’m moving forward and looking to my future. Pity I’m not able to do that everyday. I look forward to that day.  

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2 comments on “The anniversary

  • It’s great to hear about how much you’ve healed. I don’t know if the hurt ever completely goes away. But it sounds like you have a lot more control over how much it effects you. That’s reassuring to me.

  • Hold on – it does get a bit easier every day! I know that doesn’t sound like much comfort at the moment and you just want it all to be ok right now. But I find that dealing with one thing at a time, as it comes along, helps me to cope. As soon as I start taking on too much that’s when I fall apart.

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