Getting together and falling apart

Published February 21, 2012 by recover3

About a week or so after my bombshell of making plans to return home, he started talking about us getting back together. What?! After all my hoping and praying, after I’d decided I’d done all I could, he changed his mind. It made me think of all the advice I’d read about getting on with my own life and not closing them in. It was all true. Of course its difficult to follow – you think if you back off and live your own life that you will be forgotten. That your partner will think you’ve accepted the inevitable. But, in actual fact, you will be giving them the chance to miss you. The chance to realise exactly what they will be missing. And its all true. Its the hardest thing to do and of course its not foolproof. But if a reconciliation is going to happen – its worthwhile taking a step back.

We decided to give it a go – slowly. Not everyone in my life was too enthusiastic but at the time I just ignored them. We decided he would stay where he was living. Or should I say – he decided. He was honest about what he’d been up to while we’d been apart. He’d been making naked skype calls with a girl I previously mentioned. The one he’d met on facebook and been sending inappropriate messages to before we moved to China. He’d met another girl through another program, who lived in Hong Kong and he’s been making plans to have to her visit him and stay with him. He’d kissed a Chinese girl. He’d had a ‘fling’ with another girl over facebook. And of course he still had HER on facebook. I was really upset to hear all of these things. Here I was thinking we’d been staying faithful to each other and there he was just continuing his life, so sure that we’d never get back together.

It was almost over as soon as it had begun. He told me he was removing all these people from his life. Meanwhile he meant he was saying good bye to the relationship he’d previously had with them but still keep them as friends. I got upset and then he told me that if I couldn’t trust him then it wasn’t going to work and we may as well end it. I countered with how were we supposed to move forward if he was keeping them in his life. Eventually he agreed and deleted them.

Out birthdays are a week apart. His first and then mine. Some friends organised a surprise party for him. It was a pretty good night. We enjoyed ourselves and went home to my place. In fact this might have even been the night that he told me about what he’d been up to. I think I acted pretty maturely about it all. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt because he’d been honest. He didn’t have to tell me that stuff – I would never have known. A few nights later (four days before my birthday) we went out for drinks with another friend. We ended up in a huge argument and him shouting at me that he couldn’t talk to me. I was lost – I had no idea what I was doing wrong. As we were walking home and he kept shouting, he told me that he’d done some terrible things and he just couldn’t tell me. I couldn’t understand and asked why couldn’t he tell me. He kept because he didn’t want to lose me. (This was pretty ironic, seeing as two days ago I had sat down and told him that I loved him. period. That I took him for who he was and that was the end of it.) I kept pushing, thinking that after everything else he’d told me, it couldn’t be that bad. He then looked at me and said ‘I slept with _____’ My heart just dropped. I can’t describe it any other way. My mind stopped working so I have no idea where the next words came from. I asked whether it was once or more than that. He looked at me and answered really arrogantly ‘a lot’. I looked at him and said well you’ve lost me now and I walked off crying. My heart was well and truly shattered. My world as I knew it, was destroyed.



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