As the weeks moved on we settled into a pattern – me hoping against hope and him living his life. I still believed we had chance and I just couldn’t let go.
A family friend, aware of my situation, contacted me with a job offer back home. It was a pretty good offer too. I spent a lot of time thinking about it. I discussed it with my friends and family. I never told him about it though. I didn’t know how to. I made a very long pro’s and con’s list. But he was still ultimately my deciding factor. How could I move to another country without knowing how we’d turn out. In the mean time I applied for the job. I still had time to change my mind and figured I’d at least get the process started.
Then I got another bombshell. He sat me down and told me his opinion hadn’t changed. That he wasn’t in love with me and didn’t want to be with me. He was still adamant that there was no future for us. I felt my fragile heart shatter all over again. I didn’t understand where this came from. I felt betrayed. Later that evening at work he told me he didn’t see why I was so upset – that he’d been honest the whole time (bullshit) and that he’d been clear. I told him I felt he was leading me on and that he knew it. At the time he denied it. Later he told me he did know but that it was easier that way because then we were friends. He couldn’t deal with me otherwise. He did spend a lot of time saying how important I was to him and how he couldn’t picture his life without me in it, but by this stage I couldn’t understand where he was coming from. And there it was – decision made. I moved forward with the job offer and started making plans for the final interview and my move home. I could finally make that decision because at that moment, with all he had said and done, I knew that I had done everything I could to try and fix us. I could hold my head up high because I hadn’t walked away until there was nothing to stay for. I made the final decision.
I eventually told him and he was shocked. I don’t think he ever pictured me actually moving on with my life to that extent. And it turns out this was exactly the push I had been looking for over the past few months. Up to now he’d been having the best of both worlds – me in his life and getting his wicked way with me and also being able to go out and do whatever he liked. Now suddenly he realised he couldn’t have it his way anymore. He went home with a lot on his mind and a lot of thinking to do.