The first two weeks were hard. I cried every single day – sometimes all day. I stayed up watching TV shows til 2 or 3 in the morning, til I was so tired there was no way I could keep my eyes open. I took medication to sleep too.
A few days after he left he sent me a message asking if I would meet with him at KFC. There was no negativity to his message so I got my hopes up. I had just had my hair cut so I was hoping he’d notice. When I saw him he actually did comment on it. My hopes soared. Then he dropped a bombshell. He told me he wanted to discuss finances. He said that he’d spoken to his brother and told him he’d done the right thing leaving. That he wasn’t attracted to me anymore and that although he loved me. he didn’t love me like a husband should love a wife. I wanted to scream and yell. I wanted to crumple up and die. This explained the request to meet in a public place. I held on to what little dignity I had left and didn’t break down there. I waited until I got home. This was a Friday and I had to work that night, and the rest of the weekend. I still don’t know how I managed to do it.
Two weeks after he left he was sending me messages via skype and g-chat. I could tell he was drunk. He was being negative about himself and me. He was telling me that he did love me and all sorts of things. I phoned a few times but he didn’t always answer. His messages became more and more negative and I got worried. He has always been an attention seeker but this was more than that. I got worried and started calling his roommate – who wasn’t so keen on getting involved. Cutting the long night short, my instincts were right – he was trying to commit suicide. Thankfully it didn’t work. He’d taken a whole box of anti-depressants and downed them with a mixture of alcohol. The next morning he agreed I could go round. I ended up spending the whole day there. We bonded in a way we hadn’t in a long time. We talked out what he’d done. We talked about our relationship and how things had been rushed. We laughed and joked around. It was wonderful. We connected again. The next day after work I went round again and we had a great time again. We agreed that we were going to build up the foundation of our relationship again. We agreed that he would stay living where he was until we had a solid foundation but that we would stay faithful to each other during this time. Of course, once again, it turned out that this conversation meant two entirely different things to each of us.
With high hopes on my side (and none of his side) we entered into a very fragile friendship. With me believing that this was leading to our ultimate reconciliation.